I am my own world, my own universe, my own everything

Well now, that wasn't as difficult as I expected. It's been a week, and not a single first-person reference. In fact, not a single reference to anything at all. So, let's celebrate:

In the event I become incapacitated and lose my ability to make competent medical decisions; here is my living will, the standing orders and last wishes to which my medical power of attorney (hopefully it's a dude, because dudes are thinkers and not feelers) is hereby dutifully bound:

WHEREAS, I am in charge now,

WHEREAS, if I become a vegetative idiot and my survival depends upon my feeding tube,

BE IT RESOLVED THAT,
-- My daily intake of aged, single-malt scotch shall be doubled, AND --
-- Three 18-year-old Eastern European prostitutes shall be hired to alternatively massage my back, style my hair and moisturize my genitals, AND --
-- A self-righteous politician who is preferably a Republican -- although a Democrat will do just as well if he or she has recently been elected Regent for the University of Colorado -- shall be invited to my hospice room, AND --
-- My diet shall be supplemented with a cocktail of illicit recreational drugs until my body involuntarily surges from the gurney and assaults the dastardly statesman, AND --
-- The regimen of drugs shall be continued until one of us is dead.

ALSO WHEREAS, if I become a vegetable, but others believe I might recover if given more time; and if "recovery" means I'd live in a daily puddle of my own leavings,

BE IT RESOLVED THAT,
-- A bouquet of flowers shall be sent to the three 18-year-old Eastern European prostitutes, AND --
-- The media shall be called, AND --
-- I shall be killed with 16-ounce ball peen hammers.

AND BE IT AGAIN RESOLVED:
-- That is what I want, you fucking bastards.

To me, it seems pretty clear. There should be no disputes, no need to call the governor, no need to enlist Congress, no need to bother the President.