Eloquent, with modern elements:
"Downloaded from on high, perhaps from heaven, the latest updates shower us with golden joy, god-ish in the way they improve our soggy existence.
"Uploaded from below, certainly from hell, our petty, vain efforts to improve our lot on this planet do nothing but interfere with god's work.
"Look upward for software updates, but always be wary of downstream inquiries. Guard your backsides, as the devil strives to shove stuff up your butts!
Persuasive:
"If you ain't with god, you're agin' him. Get yo' ass up to heaven, or I send u 2 hell!"
Like Wimpy the hamburger man:
"Give me some money today, and I promise to pay you back when we're all dead in heaven."
Quote a lyric:
"Go forth. Be ye good, be ye pious, be ye gentle, my tender flock, for you will be '...cli-imbing [the] stai-airway [pause] to hea-ven.' [pause for masterful guitar]"
Comparison/Contrast:
"Hell is a suffocating cavern of magma and sulfur, buried deep in the earth's core, where demons force the damned to suck Satan's white-hot genitalia until their mouths catch fire.
"Heaven, by contrast, is freezing cold and full of fluttering angels. The saved kneel alongside history's finest men and women, and together they warm God's frozen genitals for eternity while he dispenses kindly wisdom."
Helpful:
"I suggest you strive for heaven, because that's where ice cream goes when it dies. I'd steer clear of hell if I were you -- the "hellies" only get okra, overcooked spinach and sardines."
Bullet points:
Heaven:
- well-lit
- spacious
- "right side of tracks"
- eternal happiness
- the "safe bet"
Hell:
- eternal misery
- "nanny state"
- high-crime
- "tax-and-spend"
- prison-like decor
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3 comments:
I enjoyed your blog...nice job....keep it up!
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