Third night alone: No woman, no cry.

The old lady takes a beating from me sometimes (metaphorically, of course); and most times she deserves it, but after three days and nights without her, I'm forced to admit many of her qualities might often go unnoticed amid the furor of my fury.

It occurs to me that that she plays a sizable role -- much of it behind the scenes -- in keeping this house from foreclosure, from crumbling to the ground, or from slowly dissolving into a wretched structure of neglect. For example, she waters all these plants (a task that almost got away from me, until I caught the error just today. Still not sure if I caught it in time), she deals with all of the most hated chores (laundry, dusting and general housekeeping), she supplies the house with rock and roll and the latest trendy movies, she mixes refreshing alcoholic beverages that everyone -- man, woman or child -- enjoys, she cooks up one mutherfucker of a meal when she has a mind to, fetches the dog when he escapes, and looks great in a summertime spaghetti-strap top (if you get my meaning.) She does it all while maintaining gainful employment and providing that artful, womanly touch lacking in even the most upscale homes.

She also provides occasional sex.

By comparison, my role in the matter seems a little weak. I do change the oil in her car now and then, and most times I take out the trash. I always mow the lawn and lift the heavy things, and I clean the bathroom weekly (more or less.) I also do my best to clean up my shoes, socks, dirty underwear and other things, which surely cuts down on her work somewhat. And I provide occasional sex, too -- great sex.

But... I fart a lot, crack a lot of off-color jokes and sometimes fly off the handle in the childish way that men often do. On the flip side, I am quite an ambassador for our home, reaching out to the neighbors, to coworkers and to total strangers, inviting them all into the house for a tour, a drink, or to case the joint.

I basically liven up the place. I like to think I provide that untenable emotional spark that makes it all work...

I'm certain I do more, but it'll take a few moments to tally my contributions. I'll get back to you.

Jk.