One of us will die first

 Will it me? 

 Will it be this trash jack, gigabit spittoon we call 'online?'

 It can't be me: I'm just a girl, little ol' me. Don't let me outta your sight.

 It can't be you: You're just a word that never meant much. You never had purchase, you could never look me in the eye.

 I can't beat you. 

 You could be me.

 We both lose. 

We all lose.

 I win if I die first. 

You lose if I die first.

I'll die first, even if you didn't suck so bad. 

I guess I win. I guess you lose. 

Sucks to suck. Good luck.