Poor, dead rabbit.
In case you didn't know it: The lady is pregnant, and according to modern books and websites, that means I am too (but physically, I'm not even the slightest bit pregnant. I feel great.)
If you're reading this big news for the first time on this website, we're very sorry. It's not that we don't like you, we just like others more than you. And please don't think you aren't important -- we just haven't gotten around to you yet. There are simply too many really important people in our lives who demand our immediate attention -- ambassadors, diplomats, heads of state, wartime generals, retired admirals and the like.
And now, to the point: I've spent the past weeks searching for the perfect words to describe my feelings on the matter, but I've come to the conclusion I'm not ready to do that on the internet. Instead, I've compiled a list of terms to help me respectfully address the Lady during the many trying moments she's likely to experience in the coming months:
The Lady is a:
genetalian (that's a medical term for a pregnant woman) who is primagravida (pregnant with her first child).
She is still a nullagravida (woman who has never given birth) or gravida 0 (same thing), but not for long.
She will one day be a gravida 1 (medical term for a woman who has given birth to one child).
She is also still:
nulliparous (never had a child), or she is a nullipara or a para 0, but again, not for long.
She is also:
Great (archaic)
with child
Up the duff (UK slang)
up the spout (UK slang)
up the flue (UK slang)
up a pole (UK slang)
knocked up
banged up (aussie slang)
in a family way
gone (one month)
PG
preggars
cheggars (UK)
prenada (Spanish, not slang)
embarazada (Spanish, not slang)
en estado (Spanish, not slang)
esperando (Spanish, not slang)
about to find pups (this is just stupid)
in a fix
lady-in-waiting
She has:
a bun in the oven
"split the condom" (whatever)
"drunk from the well"
She is not:
A twat, twit, twirp or twerp (apparently technical terms for egg-laden goldfish)
While researching this, I stumbled into this enormous list of colorful phrases depicting menstruation (in various languages), and couldn't stop laughing. Euphemisms of note: Leak Week, Moonblood, A snatchbox decorated with red roses, and Takin' classes at 'Bama. That last is a reference to the Crimson Tide, of course.
But my favorite happens to be one of the dumbest: I'm on my pyramid -- a reference to the banks of the Nile overflowing and running red, I guess...
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5 comments:
I found your blog address on my favorites page and decided to check it out. I started reading and couldn't stop. You are a very entertaining writer.
Awww, shucks! (Bashful, blushing, and hoping comments like these aren't coming from some government computer that monitors my every word...)
One of my personal fav's that we coined in the day:
prego.
Used in a sentence:
Leggo my prego.
The Lady told me last night, "I hate your blog."
That is a bummer, but what do you expect from a pregnant woman? Certainly not a good sense of humor or a cool head...
Ed.
Congrats and Much Awesomeness in the form of inappropriate public male hugging, from me.
Up the Duff is my favorite, because it makes me think of Homer's Beer, but I'm very much looking forward to getting my woman "banged up*" later this year.
If we weren't in Oz, that'd mean I beat 'er up, and that's almost as funny.
Smooches.
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